Introducing Crabby Abby:

Pictured: Crocheted crab, looking appropriately crabby.

Unlike Ms. Uterus Head, this children's toy is available to anyone who wants to make it. I was looking for a good way to teach my three-year-old students about emotions, and Crabby Abby was born. And unlike Gratuitous Uterus, which I wanted to be available for free to anyone who wants to make hir, the Crabby Abby pattern is available on etsy for the low, low price of $3.20. The facial expressions are removable and can be arranged into all kinds of fun faces. And the doll is huggably soft.

Don't worry. A hug from Gratuitous Uterus can make anybody feel better.

Pictured: G.U. hugging Crabby Abby who looks like she's cheered up.

Gratuitous Uterus joins the Planned Parenthood blog carnival.

Pictured: G.U. in front of Planned Parenthood where sie has just made a donation.

I was raised in an authoritarian fundamentalist religion where sex was prohibited outside of marriage and looked down upon in just about every way. When I broke free of that group at age 24, I had some experience with sex from my failed marriage, but I was woefully ignorant about sex and dating in the real world.

The first guy I went out with was an absolute creep who took advantage of my ignorance and manipulated me into going sans condom. It never occurred to me that I might have contracted an STD (I didn’t) but I was scared I might get pregnant. The next day, I made my first visit to Planned Parenthood where I was given Plan B.

At this point in my life, I was just forming my own opinions on many things (rather than the ones given to me by my former religion), and I hadn’t decided yet how I felt about abortion. My religion had told me that the morning after pill was an abortion pill, so I expressed my concerns to the lady at PP. She explained that the pill would only prevent me from getting pregnant, not cease a pregnancy that had already taken effect. I took the pill, feeling the satisfaction of doing everything I could to remedy the mistake I’d made.

Today, I made my second visit to Planned Parenthood. It’s something I’ve been intending to do since I started this blog. I wanted a picture of Gratuitous Uterus writing out a check in donation to PP. When I expressed this wish to the lady at PP who met with me to take the donation, she told me that since they’ve had so many people try to set them up, they didn’t want any pictures taken. I completely understood. She gave me the okay to take a pic outside, as you see above.

I’d like to say that after my first lousy dating experience, I immediately wised up and made better choices, but the truth is, I just got lucky that my bad choices didn’t give me their worst consequences. I was fortunate to go out with two good men, the second of whom I’ve been with for two and half years now, going strong.

And during this time of relative sexual safety, I’ve had the opportunity to finally catch up on my knowledge and understanding of safe and consensual sexual relations. And what I understand is that Planned Parenthood performs a valuable and indispensable service. I am grateful to them for their help, even as I am grateful that I haven’t needed it again. I stand with Planned Parenthood.

For more stories of personal experiences, see the carnival hub at What Tami Said.

Gratuitous Uterus celebrates both of the countries she calls home.

Pictured: Smiling uterus crocheted to look like the U.S. flag, holding the Honduran flag.

 

What do you mean today's not the fourth?

Introducing Ms. Uterus Head:

Pictured: G.U. wearing the eyes, ears, nose, mouth, and hat from a Mr. Potato Head set.

Somebody call Hasbro, this will sell like hotcakes. Especially if it smells like hotcakes.

Gratuitous Uterus is hanging out on the playground.

Pictured: G.U. hanging from the climbing apparatus of a colorful playground.

It turns out uteri are not the sole possession of adults.

Gratuitous Uterus hits the books.

Pictured: G.U. at the library with a stack of books.

Slightly less effective than hitting the computer, but books rarely glitch anyway.

Gratuitous Uterus does not have a bikini body.

Pictured: G.U. in sunglasses on a poolside lounge chair with a towel.

Technically, she does not have a body at all. But she still looks good naked.

Gratuitous Uterus practices safe sex.

Pictured: G.U. in front of a store shelf full of Trojan brand condoms.

And practice makes perfect.

Gratuitous Uterus is tired of anti-choice whining.

Pictured: G.U. sitting in a vineyard with a glass of red wine.

Decides to do a little wining of her own.

Get your own Gratuitous Uterus--Support Planned Parenthood of NC.

Pictured: The stuffed uterus that could be yours.

Want your own Gratuitous Uterus but don't know how to crochet or knit? Want to support Planned Parenthood of North Carolina (the third state to vote to defund PP)? It is so totally awesome that you can do those two very things at the same time! Head on over to eBay and bid on this happy, happy uterus. (Apologies that it's only available in the US at this time. If you're outside the US and you'd like to commission a uterus, please email me).

Gratuitous Uterus finds the Lord.

Pictured: A bushy-bearded Jesus wearing a sign that says "Is it May 21st yet?" holding G.U. in one hand and issuing a blessing upon zir with the other hand.

Apparently he fell through a time warp and wandered into an atheist picnic in confusion.

Gratuitous Uterus decides to procreate.

Pictured: G.U. holding circular knitting needles attached to the same yarn she is made from.

 

This would be more accurate if she was holding a crochet needle, but the knitting needles are cuter. And if I ever decide to crochet a brain, I'm totally using that yarn.

Gratuitous Uterus joins the tea party.

Pictured: G.U. with a tiny, fancy tea set and a teddy bear in a dress.

But only because he's into that sexy bear.

Gratuitous Uterus needs help to keep smiling.

Pictured: G.U. with a case of Citalopram (antidepressants).

She practices bodily autonomy by deciding which meds are right for her.

The Uterus army is increasing in numbers.

Pictured: a hand holding a crocheted uterus with embroidered red facial features.

Now there are two of them.

Kivi kengässä posted this pic at Ravelry. She's considering using it as a stress toy.

Gratutious Uterus makes a fashion statement.

Pictured: G.U. wearing a large yellow T-shirt depicting a silhouette of a uterus and the slogan "Don't tread on me."

Perhaps she should have ordered a small.

You know you want one. Go get you a T-shirt:

Uterus Under Arrest

I've just discovered the Tumblr Hey Pro-Life. Check out its manifesto. Normally, I would just add this to my uterus-friendly blogroll and move on, but I have to draw attention to this adorable picture:

Pictured: a simplified outline of a uterus with handcuffs around the neck of each fallopian tube.

The post asks for a caption. Here's mine:

You have the right to remain pregnant. Anything sexual you have ever done or had done to you, can and will be held against you in a court of public opinion. You have the right to receive (although not necessarily have access to) an abortion. If you cannot afford an abortion, sucks to be you.

Gratuitous Uterus is a zombie.

Pictured: G.U. with a bottle of Bacardi Zombie and a skull shaped shot glass, looking sickly drunk or possibly undead.

Turns out he was just drinking Zombie. The effects are virtually the same.

Gratuitous Uterus finds a UFO.

Pictured: G.U. next to a pile of bird seed, locking eyes with some kind of little brown bird.

It's probably a weather balloon.

Gratuitous Uterus is a planeswalker

Pictured: G.U. playing Magic the Gathering

 She is smiling because she's about to play Darksteel Colossus.